The Mathematics of Happiness
What’s the ideal proportion of time spent doing the stuff you have to do, versus time spent doing whatever you want to do?
It was supposed to be a glorious day off until I had to schedule an urgent dental appointment. The only available opening was 4:15 pm, allowing ample time to anticipate the procedure and all its attendant aversive qualities. Did I mention that I loathe needles? An act of supreme courage carried me over the threshold and kept me in the chair.
The next morning, sore of mouth and jaw, I forced myself out of bed for an early meeting. Pelting rain. Juggling briefcase, handbag, umbrella, keys and coffee, I lost my footing on the slick wood surface of the back deck en route to the garage, my hot coffee making a graceful arc through the air and onto my just-dry-cleaned cream-coloured dress. Not a good look. Back into the house for a frantic wardrobe re-boot.
As I drove to work, I asked myself: in the ideal world, what proportion of my life would optimally be comprised of doing things that are enjoyable, versus the percentage of time spent in doing the myriad, often unpleasant or less pleasant, things I have to do. Including the things that are good for us. My initial calculation was approximately 70-30 (in favour of the more pleasant and enjoyable aspects of life). But then, I started thinking about values, learning, growth and expansiveness. After all, it’s the hard stuff that shapes us.
A couple of days later I’m still not sure what the perfect balance would be. Perhaps the proportion is supposed to vary, depending on timing and circumstance. For example, during a fabulous holiday it would be close to 90% in favour of doing whatever we want. In more challenging times, the times that really test what we’re made of, it can feel closer to 5%. I asked a friend what she thought. Her take was that there is no wanting or not wanting to do, there is only to be fully present in each moment (as in Buddhist non-attachment and mindfulness). Which I agreed sounded extremely wise, a lifelong learning journey in itself, and easier said than done.
The thing is, nothing beats the feeling of making it through tough times. The deep satisfaction of accomplishment, and the deeper happiness that comes from having made a meaningful difference.
After all of the rain, last night’s full moon took my breath away.