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Monthly Archives: January 2021

A Flock of Sparrows

January 29, 2021
Just for fun, Post-secondary Education, Social media
2 Comments
Photo by Viktor Talashuk on Unsplash

I’ve been thinking about mental health, wellness, and self-care lately, as we approach a full year of public health measures to combat the spread of the COVID virus.

I was out for a walk around my neighborhood and I was struck (yet again) by the profound silence all around (and I live in a pretty densely populated area of the city). But then suddenly as I turned a corner onto yet another side street, the sound of birds filled the air. You know the ones…those little brown sparrows who cluster together in bushes and shrubs, and in this one particular spot on an otherwise quiet street, they were partying! The little birds were almost invisible but there must have been at least 50 of them, all chirping and chatting at once.

It made me think about us humans, all confined in our respective bubbles, and how the memory of social proximity and togetherness feels very far away. I’m finding that even when watching TV shows or movies it’s kind of jarring seeing characters shaking hands with strangers, eating in crowded restaurants, jostling on the subway, etc. etc. Hard to fathom that we are closing in on a year of living, working, teaching, and learning at a distance. We’ve seen lots of media coverage about “COVID fatigue” referencing the need for vigilance in adhering to public health protocols, but let’s remember that COVID fatigue stems, in large part, from our collective deprivation of the rich social world we’ve all been missing.

The challenge of staying connected solely mediated by digital communication channels – largely email, text, and Zoom – makes it increasingly hard to feel and experience that all-important human element in all things digital. Just like those sparrows, our natural inclination is togetherness; and the impact of social deprivation is real. One small but meaningful take-away for me is to be even more mindful of the affective dimensions in emails I’m sending, as well as making time for informal “coffee talk” in Zoom meetings – those personal, relational elements that happen naturally when we encounter each-other in the ‘real world’. Also, recognizing that we all have good days and off days, and trying to be intentional in extending an extra measure of grace and understanding to one-another. Patience with others as well as with ourselves can go a long way.

We still have a long road to travel on this particular journey, but looking forward to the days – hopefully in the not-too-distant future – when we can be like winter sparrows, chatting and chirping with joy! In the meantime, I thought I’d share this graphic from Bell Let’s Talk Day which captures some great reminders of self-care and wellness tips and strategies – my goal is at least three things from this list every day:


https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/students-digital-toolkit/2/wellness-activities

Let’s all make a point of taking time to look after ourselves these days. We’re running a marathon!

TEDx – Radical Self-Leadership: Banish self-doubt with 3 essential practices

January 6, 2021
leadership, Motivational Interviewing, Post-secondary Education, Presentation Skills
2 Comments
What does it take to banish self-doubt and embrace radical self-leadership?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtFUoA_0fwE

In October of 2019 I had the honour of joining an extraordinary roster of thought leaders and change-makers on the TEDx Centennial College stage in Toronto, Canada. It was a testament to the determination and creativity of the event team that it happened at all in the midst of Toronto’s COVID19 lockdown. The original event was scheduled for spring of 2020, and a silver lining was some added time to further refine and ‘sculpt’ my message focused on radical self-leadership as an antidote to self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

First coined in the 1970s, research shows that imposter syndrome is widespread, with one study showing that about 70% of us experience it at one time or another. Later research suggests that imposter syndrome may be especially prevalent among students and academics, as well as individuals whose gender, ethnicity, or identity, makes them a minority in the workplace. For instance, have you ever felt like your colleagues seem to know exactly what they’re doing, while you’re in ‘fake it till you make it’ mode? The irony is that we all keep it a secret…as if everyone else around us is waking up and going about their lives secure in the assurance that they’re fully skilled and fabulously successful, when chances are they’re feeling exactly the same way you are!

Self-doubt – radical or otherwise – distracts us and robs us of the ability to be fully present to ourselves and others. Taken to an extreme, it can undermine the joy that we take in our work and relationships. The idea of three essential practices (and the analogy of a simple, wooden, three-legged stool) to actualize our full potential initially stemmed from my experience in the classroom. In talking about the ‘three-legged stool’ (the three practices) with students over the course of many years, I had to wonder whether perhaps what works so well in university could be equally true long after graduation.

I posted about the three-legged stool in 2012 as “three secrets to success in school – and life“. Since then, those three essential practices – show up, pay attention, do your homework – have taken on an even deeper and more expansive meaning. The three-legged stool didn’t just help my students. It gave me a tangible way to banish that self-defeating, inside voice. Now, when those doubts creep in (“Am I smart enough?” “Do I really have what it takes?”), I get a picture in my mind of the three-legged stool and that gets me out of my head, and guides me towards positive action.

My TEDx talk (link above and here) gave me an opportunity to dig into the three practices in a deeper way and explore the multiple dimensions of what it means to truly show up, pay attention, and do your homework. For example, showing up is more a philosophy of service than a concrete physical action, and poses the question of what it means to show up for ourselves and others on a daily basis. Paying attention references the endless endeavor of engaging with people and the world around us. Doing our homework represents looking for that ‘something extra’ we can all do – i.e. homework with ourselves, our colleagues, our loved ones.

And this is the real secret: you have to do all three of these practices with consistency in order to stay balanced. It’s a three-legged stool after all, and sawing or chipping away at one or more of the legs of the stool makes it tip and teeter; while hacking away at the stool itself means we’ll probably fall off altogether. Over the last decade, I’ve been amazed at the secrets that the little three-legged stool has revealed, the dreams it has helped me fulfill, and the difference I’ve been able to make.

So here’s the big question: How well are you balanced on your own three-legged stool? At their heart these three practices aren’t just a recipe for success in school, or at work, or even success in life. They’re ingredients for radical self-leadership: realizing your full and highest potential, and making the most of all that you have to offer.

If this global pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that life is short and it’s precious: show up, pay attention, and don’t forget your homework!